(A mid-morning vista -- the Montgomery Street Medical Center in the drizzling rain. Its exterior is grim, medieval, and imposing. It looks gigantic, impersonal, vaguely gothic, and yellowish-brown. By no means does it resemble St. Elsewhere.)

(Inside the hospital, it's not much more welcoming. Bright omni-directional lights do little to cheer up the drab walls and enliven the staleness of the atmosphere. Andrew creeps around these dark corridors with a bouquet of purple irises. Like any good nephew, he's doing what his aunt suggested, and looking for the room belonging, however temporarily, to BROCCOLI ROB.)

(He finds it. BROCCOLI ROB is lying in bed, face puffed up grotesquely after the assault. He has two black eyes, a neck brace, and bandages around his head and shoulders. Worst of all, his unique fade has been shaved off. Andrew is astonished.)

GILLIGAN

(Entering, mouth agape.) Hey, hi, what, oh, I'm so sorry...

BROCCOLI ROB

(Not ecstatic to see Andrew.) Wassup, Gilligan. You here with the Chess Police?

GILLIGAN

Police, what? No, no, I'm, what did they do to your hair?

BROCCOLI ROB

(Touching his head.) Sucks, don't it. Guess I'm just plain old Rob now.

(Beyond a white sheet partition, two interns fuss over an elderly patient. They're attempting to perform a particular procedure, yet neither of them is very good at it. Odd, squelching noises can be heard over the syrupy voices of the interns. Meanwhile, GILLIGAN presents BROCCOLI ROB -- or, more accurately, ROB -- with his bouquet. ROB isn't too happy about it.)

ROB

The fuck you thinking, bringing me flowers?

GILLIGAN

No, it's not what you, I really, I don't go that --

ROB

Those flowers, all those, they all going to die. They all been cut. You can stick them, put them in water, still, it's like they had they heads chopped off. Now, why you got to bring dying, decapitated flowers to a person in the hospital?

GILLIGAN

Everybody does it. (Pause.) Girls like 'em.

ROB

Nice of you to come down here. But hey. I gotta get rest.

GILLIGAN

Okay, well, but listen. You know, I, I didn't have anything to do with your, you know...

ROB

The hell you talking about, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

You know. (Gesturing.) I din't, I mean, I didn't beat you up.

ROB

You damn right you didn't beat me up.

GILLIGAN

Yes, right, I mean, no, listen, now you know it wasn't me, right?

ROB

What's this, some macho shit?

GILLIGAN

No! No!

ROB

Because wait at least for me to get out of this bed.

GILLIGAN

Wait, you're, you're totally misunderstanding, I wanted to, if you had any doubt, I wanted to --

ROB

This is weird, man. You don't, um, you don't know that already?

GILLIGAN

I, do I, but do, do you know that?

ROB

(Truly bewildered.) Wait. What are we talking about? (Andrew looks at ROB, confused.) We talking about my, my assailant? Because I saw the guy.

GILLIGAN

(Gulping.) You, you did.

ROB

(Unsure.) Sure.

GILLIGAN

Um, what did he look like?

ROB

He was black, for one thing.

GILLIGAN

He, he was?

ROB

Damn right he was.

GILLIGAN

Oh. Well, that means, I didn't have anything to do with, it wasn't me. Right?

ROB

Okay.

GILLIGAN

(Getting in closer to ROB, entreating.) Well, could you tell that to, could you call off, because --

(Footsteps, and heavy ones.)

THE TOILET BOWL

Yo well if it ain't Andrew Gilligan.

(GILLIGAN jumps up. He had gotten in pretty close to ROB, and when he leaps he grabs the sheet on ROB's bed, and pulls it up to conceal himself.)

ROB

The fuck you doing, man?

GILLIGAN

(Bravely, behind ROB's bedsheet.) I don't know, what I did to, to deserve, but if you have a problem, let it just be with me, and not with --

THE TOILET BOWL

Yo, man, relax. This about that telephone call? Sorry about that.

GILLIGAN

You are?

THE TOILET BOWL

Put the motha fuckin slip cover down. (Andrew does.) I been apologizing to people all morning. I must have made twenty, twenty-five such calls yesterday. You probably don't realize this, I'm an emotional guy.

ROB

(Realizing what has been happening.) Oh, you called him up and... (ROB laughs.) Oh, shit.

THE TOILET BOWL

I hide it well. Hey, ain't it a shame to see a poor kid like this.

GILLIGAN

But what about my apartment, what about --

THE TOILET BOWL

(Putting an arm around GILLIGAN.) Sorry if I scared ya, Gilligan. I don't think we ever got properly innerduced. My name's Myron.

GILLIGAN

Myron?!?

MYRON

Now, whassup with your apartment.

GILLIGAN

Well, it's been, I've, it's been ransacked.

MYRON

(George Will.) Goddamn! Goddamn there's a lot of crimes in this mo fuckin city.

ROB

Oh, it ain't so bad.

MYRON

That what you get for livin in that ass-end part of town. Rob and me, we getting the fuck out of this -- city. Ain't that right.

ROB

Maybe.

GILLIGAN

Wait, what do you mean, the Grove Street area is nice, it's been renovated.

MYRON

Rob and me, we been talking about an international business venture. Out in Montclair.

ROB

Maybe.

GILLIGAN

Wait, wait, Montclair, what do you mean? (To ROB.) You have to get back, you have to get back in training, you're going to be a chess champion.

ROB

What do you mean "going to be"?

GILLIGAN

You can't just, you can't slack off, you need to keep your game, at top --

MYRON

A lot of mo fuckin crooks.

ROB

Look, man, I'm champ. I'll make decisions about if and when I wanna train.

GILLIGAN

No, you don't understand, you're an unbelievable, you have unbelievable natural talent. (ROB arches a bandaged eyebrow.) You could be a grand master.

MYRON

(Making a pantomime scratch.) You mean like Flash.

(Both ROB and GILLIGAN look at him.)

MYRON

Just a joke. (A little bitterly.) I know what a mo fuckin grand master is.

ROB

Gilligan, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know if I even wanna keep playing chess.

GILLIGAN

But, you have to, you have to. You owe it to, you should be playing the world's greatest players, you...

ROB

No offense, really, but... Seems like kinda a stupid way to spend your life.

MYRON

It's just a game, man.

(An ORDERLY bustles into the room, followed by a fully uniformed COPPER.)

ORDERLY

You Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Um, yes.

ORDERLY

The po-lice wanna have a word with you.

MYRON

Shit. Good luck.

COPPER

Come with me, little buddy.

(The Jersey City courthouse building in Journal Square. GILLIGAN is being led throughthe maze of holding cells and police desks by INSPECTOR PUNE. HUMMINGBIRD, in tow, follows them both, but he's more interested in a new magnifying glass that he's reying out on random objects and surfaces as they pass them. INSPECTOR PUNE rattles on in GILLIGAN's ear.)

INSPECTOR PUNE

(Rambling on as they walk.) ....caught him tryna pawn it, and I says, hey, you ain't Andrew Gilligan. We spent a pleasant, a pleasant morning with Andrew Gilligan the other morning. You ain't no chess champ.

HUMMINGBIRD

(Inspecting the walls with his magnifying glass.) Wow. You can really see the dirt.

INSPECTOR PUNE

So before I can even accuse the guy of anything, he starts to sing like Britney Spear.

HUMMINGBIRD

Right there in the pawnshop. You shoulda seen it.

INSPECTOR PUNE

He says your stuff is all crap, by the way, that it ain't worth any money on re-sale. I thought it was a very nice apartment, myself, and I says so.

HUMMINGBIRD

We hadda rough him up a little. Just between you me and the wall.

GILLIGAN

(Aghast. ) You didn't...

INSPECTOR PUNE

(Handing him back the purloined trophy.) I think he thought it was made outta gold. You know, nine outta ten thiefs, what they steal, later turns out to be crap. (Stopping before a large holding cell.) Here we are.

HUMMINGBIRD

Next time, watch who you lend your keys.

(PHINEAS sits behind bars, arms crossed, biting his lower lip. He hasn't slept. He stares coldly out at GILLIGAN.)

PHINEAS

(Through the bars.) You're here to berate me, too. As if. As if enough things hadn't already gone wrong.

INSPECTOR PUNE

I notice this guy whines a lot.

GILLIGAN

What, why, I don't, what did you expect --

PHINEAS

(Bitterly.) I thought you were supposed to be the champion.

GILLIGAN

Well, not really, anymore.

PHINEAS

(Moaning.) Oh, I have the worst luck in the world. I, like, totally give in to criminal impulses, and what do I do? I rob the champion of worthlessness.

HUMMINGBIRD

That's poetic.

PHINEAS

(Nodding at him.) Thank you. God, how am I going to get out of this horrid pest-hole.

GILLIGAN

Well, I'm not pressing charges, I'm...

PHINEAS

Not the prison, you phony French idiot, this sccumbag city! I'm probably better off, here in jail, safe, away from all the criminals and low-lifes running around. (Despairing.) I wasn't meant to live like this, I was meant to live on Park Avenue, don't you understand, I was counting on you!

INSPECTOR PUNE

You hang around the courthouse, you see a lot of sad stories.

HUMMINGBIRD

(To GILLIGAN, as PHINEAS buries his head in his hands.) Good kid gone bad. Nothing worse.

(HUMMINGBIRD looks at INSPECTOR PUNE. They laugh. LUXOTTICA and GENERICA hustle in, escorted by another copper.)

PHINEAS

(To LUXOTTICA.) Oh, thank God you're here. Thank God another --

LUXOTTICA

You aren't expecting a bail-out, are you?

PHINEAS

(Face fallen.) When I called, I...

LUXOTTICA

Well, if that isn't the most retarded thing I've ever heard, you get on ephone call, and you waste it on me.

PHINEAS

I, like, thought, that you would understand, and I was totally planning to --

LUXOTTICA

(Blue with fury.) God! You have a tenuous, tenuous grasp on your own life.

GENERICA

(To PHINEAS.) We'll do what we can.

GILLIGAN

Listen, I'm not, I'm not pressing charges. I don't want to press charges.

LUXOTTICA

Oh, don't pretend you have any integrity.

GILLIGAN

I do! I do pretend I have integrity!

(LUXOTTICA stands with her hands on her hips. PHINEAS walks to the back of the cell. GENERICA looks at Andrew. Andrew meets her glance for a second, and then averts his eyes.)

(GILLIGAN walks down the courthouse steps, umbrella folded beneath his arm. Lawyers, police officers, and businesspeople stream up and down the steps. The drizzle pats down his hair. At least he's not worried about death threats. Any more sobering revelations?)

(GENERICA and LUXOTTICA exit the courthouse from a separate door, raise their brolly, and skip away together. GILLIGAN calls to them.)

GILLIGAN

Hey, stop! Wait up, hey. (The girls stop.) Don't you think, you owe me an apology?

LUXOTTICA

No.

(GILLIGAN sidewinds down the steps toward them. A group of skateboarders do those stupid tricks on the steps, nearly taking Andrew out by the knees.)

GILLIGAN

Because, it just goes to show, besides, those were my keys.

LUXOTTICA

Don't you have some hard training to do?

GILLIGAN

No, yeah. Wait. Would you like to get some, lunch?

GENERICA

That would be nice. But we really have to get back to work.

GILLIGAN

Because I've had a really difficult, day or two, and... oh, okay.

LUXOTTICA

Okay. Bye.

GILLIGAN

(After a pause.) Wait!

(They turn. GILLIGAN again threads his way over to them.)

GILLIGAN

Generica, wait. You know, I never got a chance to make it up to you, that our, date, ended badly, and I'd just like to, I'd like to try again.

GENERICA

That's very flattering, Andrew. But I'm afraid... (To LUXOTTICA.) Should we tell him?

LUXOTTICA

No.

GENERICA

We're leaving Jersey City, Andrew. We've been promoted.

GILLIGAN

Promoted, what?, both of you?

(The girls nod in unison.)

GENERICA

The company is transferring us to their spectacular research and development campus in Princeton.

LUXOTTICA

We're movin' on up.

GENERICA

401k and everything.

GENERICA

But wait, hey, I thought, don't you like it here?

LUXOTTICA

(To GENERICA.) What the, what is he talking about?

GENERICA

(Grabbing hold of Andrew's arm.) Oh, Andrew. You couldn't have expected us to stay in Jersey City forever.

LUXOTTICA

We're career women.

GENERICA

We're liberated.

 

Return to Fit #10.

Bravely on to Fit #12.

Take it from the top.