Tris McCall

Fall in, fall in, fall in. Wait... or is that fold it, fold it, fold it?

By age eleven, I was already complaining about albums. Seven And The Ragged Tiger; why was that so impenetrable? This wasn’t like Rio, which had been a huge favorite of mine the year before. I knew what those songs were about. “Hungry Like The Wolf” concerned a man who was horny. The title track concerned a woman who was (hopefully) horny. “Save A Prayer” concerned a man and a woman who kinda regretted what they’d done when they were horny. But “the union of the snake is on the rise”? What the hell did that mean?

I asked my cousin. She was seven years older and about to go to art school. If she found my periodic collisions with the new wave amusing, she didn’t let on. Instead, she told me that the “Union Of The Snake” meant whatever I wanted it to mean. This struck me as wholly unsatisfactory. The author — a Mr. LeBon — must be trying to get something across. Otherwise, why was he yelling at me through an amplification device? If we were entering a new world of interpretation where all the power to determine meaning was going to be handed over to the listener, why would anybody bother to write anything in the first place?

Years passed. My cousin became an architect; I became an Olympic pole vaulter. Or something. A consensus slowly developed about the meaning of “Union Of The Snake”: it concerned people who were horny. (And yes, by “consensus”, I mean “a notation on the Wikipedia page”.) Posterity has arrived at an intepretation. Duran Duran gave us a challenge, and we were up for that challenge. Despite the periodic allure of incoherence, we push toward understanding; we’re logocentric like that. So what, I wonder, will posterity make of lyrics such as these?

“Follow, misguide, stand still, disgust, discourage on this breadless weekend ending/ this love’s for gentlemen only, wealthiest gentlemen only/ and now that you’re lonely/ do let do let do let jugulate do let do let do.”

How about these?

“Why are they protecting in Rome?/ If only the necessary silhouette unknown/ join a dissident carried away/ Hide them from the lies and discord/What’s remembered not forgotten/ Come roll the dice for me.”

What about these?

“Don’t say no, you’re breakfast eaten alone/ Sister let go, you’re borderline withdrawn/ Down and lit from the bottom there’s a misfit/ Better than looks/ We’re sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, we’re sick for the big sun/ Alone, though and drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, I realize that too.”

Voters, all of these verses can be heard on your album of the year. I didn’t go mining for meaninglessness; the whole record is like that. Drop the (imaginary) needle anywhere, and you’ll hear lines that sound fabulous, but stubbornly refuse to add up to anything specific, or even general. If my cousin were here, she might tell me that it all means whatever I want it to mean, that the band has been generous to provide me with a canvas wide enough to accommodate whatever fantasies I wanted to project, and that as long as Thomas Mars’s singing is aesthetically pleasing, his songs will always be objects worthy of engagement. Or she might tell me to shut up and dance.

115 lunatic pop fans voted in the twentieth edition of our annual poll. Most of the regulars sounded off, and we even managed to grow the pie a little. But several of my favorite voters sent their regrets this year. Omar Velez, a Poll participant since ‘02, confessed that he was unable to get with pop music in 2009. He wasn’t the only one. A recurring theme among your replies was that the Animal Collectivisation of critically-acclaimed college rock had pushed out literate songwriters in favor of neo-hippie auteurs who favor pure abstraction. This new music was emotionally remote; detached; it didn’t make sense.

Me, I’m okay with Merriwether Post Pavilion. On a fair day, you might even get me to admit that, much as I dig Okkervil River and Fiery Furnaces and double-album sets about the fifty states, college rock in the mid-’00s might have gotten a bit too bookish for its own good. If we’re going through an overcorrection, that’s just how the pendulum swings. You might see the name of our winner and throw up your hands; this result might confirm everything you suspected about pop’s devolution into sweet-sounding and gorgeously-reverbed gobbledygook. Don’t give up. Fashions change, and pop music isn’t abstract art. The Rock Subdivision of the Congressional Budget Office confirms that 2009 was as deep into the thicket of incoherence as we’re likely to go, and that meaningful lyrics will be on the road to recovery by the third quarter of 2010. In the meantime, you can remember ‘09 by this sparkling and sharply-performed collection of, well…, of songs about nothin’.

1.) Phoenix — Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix (270)
2.) The Decemberists — The Hazards Of Love (233)
3.) Metric — Fantasies (230)
4.) Neko Case — Middle Cyclone (220)
5.) Girls — Album (218)

Our number two album got beat up pretty badly on the playground this year, but Critics Poll voters don’t forget their favorites. A few brave souls did list Phoenix and the Decemberists, but for most, it was one or the other. Honestly, I can’t think of two ‘09 college rock albums with less in common — one is polyglot, ponderously literary, theatrical, brave, bombastic, and backward-looking, while the other is precise, elliptical to the point of incomprehensibility, brief, safe, insouciant, and modern as the MOMA.

For a glittering moment there, I thought Metric might win, and I was all set to write a two-fisted introductory essay about a real independent band. It’ll have to wait. I believe it is in our contract to put a Pornographer or two in our top ten. Since voters deemed Carl Newman’s latest insufficiently exciting, Neko Case is doing the honors in ‘09. Middle Cyclone bested Fox Confessor’s fifth-place finish in Poll XVIII; she remains a good bet to win the Poll outright one of these years.

6.) Dirty Projectors — Bitte Orca (210)
7.) Why? — Eskimo Snow (203)
8.) The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart — The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart (199)
9.) Camera Obscura — My Maudlin Career (179)
9.) God Help The Girl — God Help The Girl (179)

The cute pop section, plus Yoni Wolf’s latest collection of wrist-slitters. Tracyanne Campbell and company nearly missed top honors in ‘06 with Let’s Get Out Of This Country; Poll voters weren’t quite as enthusiastic about My Maudlin Career, but Camera Obscura still managed to tie former mentor (and fellow Glaswegian) Stuart Murdoch. Meanwhile, The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart blew by both of them. This is sure to outrage the old-timers, but remember that Belle & Sebastian were originally accused of ripping off Nick Drake and Donovan. Kip Berman is a tight songwriter; I just wish I could make out what he’s saying. Right, not in 2009: the year the pop kids put the pillow over the microphone. Ride it out — even grunge didn’t last forever.

11.) Yo La Tengo — Popular Songs (175)
12.) Grizzly Bear — Veckatimest (163)
13.) Yeah Yeah Yeahs — It’s Blitz (161)
14.) The Clientele — Bonfires On The Heath (142)
15.) The Fiery Furnaces — I’m Going Away (140)

I remember sneaking into Maxwell’s as a teenager to watch Ira Kaplan and Georgia Hubley make an unholy racket. This was pre-McNew, and they didn’t really know what they were doing yet, but all the elements were there: the ridiculous guitar sound, the personality, the sense of humor, the knack for pop melody coupled with the threat of going Sister Ray at the drop of a drumstick. Two decades later, they’re still the band that all the kids want to imitate. Nobody from the late Eighties has aged any better, or with any more dignity — not even Sonic Youth. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs feel like newcomers by comparison, but they’re stage veterans too; the star alumni of NYC’s heralded class of ‘01, and blessed with one of the very few unstoppable singers in college rock. Nice to see Alisdair MacLean back after missing the chart altogether with God Save The Clientele. I’m not sure Bonfires On The Heath is all that much of an improvement, but they’ve managed to work Mel Draisey in a little better.

A short history of Fiery finishes: breakup album I’m Going Away at #15, proggy Widow City at #8 in ‘07, long-distance lament Bitter Tea at #12 in ‘06, audacious Rehearsing My Choir at #13 in ‘05, byzantine Blueberry Boat at #7 in ‘04, Gallowsbird’s Bark with 22 votes in 2003. We didn’t know them then. We got to know them.

16.) Flaming Lips — Embryonic (139)
17.) Animal Collective — Merriwether Post Pavilion (134)
17.) Charlotte Hatherley — New Worlds (134)
19.) Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus 3 — Goodnight Oslo (121)
19.) The Antlers — Hospice (121)

Yes, I do think there is something wrong — something terribly wrong — with the publicist-driven rush to judgment that put Merriwether Post Pavilion atop establishment year-end lists. Yes, it was creepy to hear in January ‘09 that the consensus favorite for album of the year had already been released, and even creepier in December ‘09 to find that, amidst thousands upon thousands of ‘09 albums, that consensus had held up. But that’s an institutional problem, and one that doesn’t have to affect you if you don’t want it to. You don’t have to sit there and swallow the PR; you can grab a frisbee and run around in the park instead. Moreover, it’s completely unfair to blame the Animal Collective themselves for their agent, or for their connections, or for the ‘net groupthink that their business managers and label folks at Domino Records were able to exploit. That’s what they’re there for: it’s all showbiz, and if you can get a little Lisztomania going, all the better for your clients. Metacritic junkies will be irritated to see the Collective tied with Charlotte Hatherley on this poll; I much prefer Hatherley and you might, too, but it’s not like she’s any more emotionally accessible than Avey Tare and Noah Lennox are. The backlash has become every bit as predictable and excessive as the hyperbole, and knowing industry people, I’ll bet you the backlash was an anticipated part of the hype. If you’re looking for a clear-headed alternative to the druggy electro-drum-circle that college rock is becoming, you might take my advice and engage with contemporary pop-punk. These emo kids may be annoying, but they’re not rhyming for the sake of riddling.

21.) Future Of The Left — Travels With Myself And Another (120)
22.) Mos Def — The Ecstatic (119)
23.) The XX — xx (118)
24.) The Harlem Shakes — Technicolor Health (114)
25.) A.C. Newman — Get Guilty (111)
26.) Say Anything — Say Anything (108)
27.) Art Brut — Art Brut vs. Satan (105)
28.) Lady Gaga — The Fame Monster (103)
29.) We Were Promised Jetpacks — These Four Walls (100)
30.) Real Estate — Real Estate (99)
30.) Atlas Sound — Logos (99)

Gosh, who invited Lady Gaga to the sausage fest? Check out this cacophany of white guys shouting: Lexy Beniam going over Niagara falls, Max Bemis reading aloud from his Chick tracts, studious Carl Newman touring the museum, terrified Adam Thompson of the Jetpacks howling about sinking ships and broken clocks and his refusal to investigate his attic, pugnacious Eddie Argos toasting his fellow drunks, agitated Andy Falkous shouting at the devil and muttering about prison movies. Nobody here but Romy Croft to keep the pop star company.

In ‘06, it looked as if rap music was mounting a poll comeback — Fishscale, Hell Hath No Fury, and The Game all made the top 20. Between them, Ghost and the Clipse scored 403 points that year. They both put out albums in 2009, too. Collective point total: 25. The highest scoring hip-hop album on this year’s Poll — Mos Def’s Ecstatic — sounds nothing like a contemporary American rap record. The big mainstream releases — Jay-Z, 50, Gucci Mane, Rick Ross, Snoop — went nowhere on the Poll. I have high hopes for Distant Relatives, the upcoming collaboration between Nas and Damian Marley; I hope people are still listening.

32.) Tori Amos — Abnormally Attracted To Sin (98)
33.) St. Vincent — Actor (95)
34.) Lights — The Listening (93)
34.) Passion Pit — Manners (93)
36.) Raekwon — Only Built 4 Cuban Linx 2 (88)
37.) Screaming Females — Power Move (80)
37.) The Roadside Graves — My Son’s Home (80)
39.) Fever Ray – Fever Ray (76)
40.) Dear Landlord — Dream Homes (75)
40.) Amy X. Neuburg — The Secret Language Of Subways (75)

Ah, see, that’s where all the girls are hanging out. There’s a contingent of hardcore Tori Amos fans among Poll voters, and I should know, since I’ve chaired this committee in the past. But defections (to St. Vincent?) have taken their toll: The Beekeeper finished at #19 in ‘05, American Doll Posse at #21 in ‘07, and Abnormally Attracted To Sin slips to #32. The Antlers had the best polling debut, but I’m more excited about the emergence of Valerie “Lights” Poxleitner. Kelly Clarkson ought to do some of her songs (maybe “Face Up”?) and make everybody involved a zillion dollars.

The Roadside Graves and The Screaming Females may have left the basements and beer halls of Central Jersey behind, but the state’s backstreets still claim them both. Real Estate was our highest-polling local, though very little of their support came from Jersey. In any case, they all trounced famous out-of-towner Bruce Springsteen, whose 107th-place finish was his worst ever on a Critics Poll. Predictably, Garden State voters were most inclined to back Yo La Tengo; New Yorkers were disproportionately partial to The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart. Also, there’s one every year — Bill Callahan only got five votes, but they were all #1s and #2s. (Correction! Matt Sirinides just wrote to remind me he had Callahan at #7. What can I say?, it was late at night and I read the number wrong. Just call me Joe Screw-up. I double-checked, and I was relieved to see that I’d counted the votes right.) Finally, I’d like to mention that I was both pleased and embarrassed by your votes for Let The Night Fall. I like it too, but c’mon, you know I can’t count those. Everybody already thinks I’m insufferably arrogant; why make a bad situation worse? I come in peace.

Other albums recieving #1 votes:

- A.A. Bondy — When The Devil’s Loose
- Alicia Keys – The Element Of Freedom
- A Place To Bury Strangers — Exploding Head
- Avett Brothers — I And Love And You
- Bill Callahan — Sometimes I Wish We Were An Eagle
- Bobby Vacant & The Weary — Tear Back The Night
- Bob Dylan — Christmas In The Heart
- Crabs On Banjo — Siren Song Sycle
- Empire Of The Sun — Walking On A Dream
- Fall Of Efrafa — Inle
- Hockey — Mind Chaos
- Jeffrey Lewis — ‘Em Are I
- Joel Plaskett — Three
- Julie Doiron — I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day
- K’naan — Troubadour
- Lily Allen — It’s Not Me, It’s You
- Love Songs — Another Guaranteed 40 Minute Music Set
- Lucero — 1372 Overton Park
- Marshmallow Coast — Phreak Phantasy
- Moore Bros. — Aptos
- MUSE — The Resistance
- Music Go Music — Expressions
- New York Dolls — Cause I Sez So
- Obits — I Blame You
- Regina Spektor — Far
- Rihanna — Rated R
- Slaughterhouse – Slaughterhouse
- Sunset Rubdown — Dragonslayer
- The Furious Seasons — Thank You For Saturday
- The Love Language — The Love Language
- The Winter Sounds — Church Of The Haunted South
- Toby Goodshank — Baked Naturals/Johnny’s Democracy
- Trembling Bells — Carbeth
- Windsor For The Derby — How We Lost

Okay, tune in tomorrow for singles, and the accompanying essay, Wednesday for miscellaneous categories, Thursday for my own ballot, and Friday for my closing thoughts.